Broken Plates
by MissyWoodhouse
Summary: She stares at him, trying to take deep, steady breaths. Her knuckles turning white from her too tight grip of the kitchen sink. Why now? Why had her freaking mind to make this conclusion now? Modern AU


This OS can be read by itself but it's set in the storyline of "The Bucket Incident" and "Twinkies and Kisses".

* * *

"No that's not what I meant, silly head."  
"Are you sure?" He teases.  
"Duh. I'm always right. You should know that."  
"Of course your majesty."  
She shakes her head leaving the kitchen.  
Sometimes she wonders why she allowed herself to keep this relationship to go on.  
Not that it isn't a good and somewhat healthy relationship but she knows that her feelings for him are not on the same level as his.  
He cares way more for her than she does for him.  
She should know better.  
Especially since the 'Philip incident' last year.  
She still remembers the feelings like it was yesterday and the look on her best friend's face when she told her a day later.

 **A year earlier at a coffee shop**  
 _"Okay. Now tell me that again but slower."_  
 _"Rose."_  
 _"I'm an old lady and my brain needs longer to process this bombshell."_  
 _"Don't be ridiculous."_  
 _"Still. Tell me again."_  
 _"So Poe and I were at Sally's yesterday to meet Philip for the first time."_  
 _"Okay."_  
 _"And you know my favorite spot at Sally's house, the sofa under the window facing the backyard. So I was sitting there watching Sally placing Philip in Poe's arms." She lets her voice trail off._  
 _This is ridiculous._  
 _She shouldn't be saying this let alone feel any of this._  
 _"Yes?"_  
 _"Seeing Poe with the newborn in his arms." She runs her hands through her hair, confused and frustrated._  
 _"I wanted it."_  
 _"What is it?" Pushing all the right buttons Rose wants her best friend to spill out her feelings. It's a hard job today but she'll get there._  
 _"A family."_  
 _"I see nothing wrong here." Rose says shrugging._  
 _"You don't understand. A family with him." She waits for her best friend to continue._  
 _"Not Chris but Poe. I know I shouldn't but." Rey's voice merely a whisper._  
 _Rose looks at her best friend for a long while trying to think of how to tell her. The obvious conclusion to all this._  
 _"Maybe you need to admit something to yourself here." With a frown Rey looks at her best friend._  
 _"No."_  
 _"Maybe you need to honest to yourself." Rose leans her head to the side. Her best friend is getting annoyed. Good, right where Rose needs her to be._  
 _"No."_  
 _"Maybe you need to reconsider the relationship you're in."_  
 _"He is my best friend. He always has been and always will be. He is like a brother." That isn't exactly the answer she expected but very informative._  
 _"Interesting reaction but not what I meant."_  
 _"I know that Chris is not the one." Rey rolls her eyes._  
 _"So why are you still keeping the façade?" She looks at her friend disapprovingly._  
 _"I don't know."_  
 _"Did I teach you nothing? Think about it. The fact that your mind wandered where it did, tells me very clearly that there is also something else you need to figure out."_  
 _"As I said."_  
 _"I see you. I know you. I'm not expecting an answer to all this. All I want is you sorting yourself out. Because I can tell you, Chris cares very much for you. He wants to talk to your Dad."_  
 _"Goodness."_  
 _"So before we have your Mum plan a wedding you really should get this sorted."_  
 _"Yeah."_  
 _"The Poe thing can wait. Maybe it was just the trigger and means nothing at all."_

Still she allowed a year to pass.  
Only because she is afraid.  
She never had to break someone's heart before.  
But today.  
Her moving to New York being a good excuse.  
She takes another dirty plate from the counter dunking it in the sink.  
"Stop staring and make yourself useful." She smiles at him tossing him a kitchen towel.  
They work quietly for a long time and Rey can tell something else is going on here. Chris being all tense and nervous.  
 _"He wants to talk to your Dad."_ Her best friend's voice rings in her head and suddenly she feels panic rise.  
"Breha." Why did she ever allow him to use her full name?  
Only Poe was ever allowed to say it, well besides her parents.  
It was his name for her.  
So many memories attached to it.  
It doesn't even sound right.  
"Don't say that name." She snaps.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Breha. I never should have approved you using it." She shakes her head.  
"What? Where is this coming from?"  
"It's nothing. I'm sorry. It brought back memories I thought deeply buried."  
Poe holding Philip, a content smile on his face.

 _"Breha, look how adorable he is." She nods scooting over as he walks over to sit next to her._  
 _Unable to reply she just smiles at him._  
 _The look on his face._  
 _So much joy and happiness._  
 _If just._  
 _If only._  
 _She shouldn't._

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He apologizes.  
"No I'm sorry. It's not your fault. You were about to say something?"  
She hears the words he says but they rush through her mind like wind through leaves.  
Her mind still clinging to that day.  
The crashing noise of a plate hitting the ground brings her back to reality.  
The reality of the moment.  
"I know it's a surprise but no reason to drop a plate." He jokes.  
"So what do you say? Will you do me the honor and marry me?" He asks.  
She stares at him, trying to take deep, steady breaths.  
Her knuckles turning white from her too tight grip of the kitchen sink.  
Why now?  
Why had her freaking mind to make this conclusion now?  
It could have waited another five minutes so she could have let him down easy.  
"No. I. No. Sorry. I need to call. I. I'm so sorry." She stutters as she basically runs out of the kitchen to get her phone.  
"Rey, what is going on?"  
"Chris, I. I need a moment. It's. Just a moment." She walks into her room slamming the door shut.  
Sliding down the door she dials the number of the only person she wants to talk to.  
"Rose I need you here."  
"Are you having a panic attack?" Her best friend asks alarmed, knowing the small signals far too well.  
"Something like that. I need my best friend, a sister."  
"Fifteen minutes. Anything else you need?"  
"A cigarette but my Mum is coming over tomorrow so no."  
Both hang up at the same time.

"Rey?" Chris asks from the other side of the door. She takes a deep breath before getting up and opening the door.  
"I'm sorry but my answer has to be no. I appreciate you; I hold you in high regards and maybe even love you. But not the way you deserve. Not the way I should for this to be anything more serious then what it is now. I'm sorry if I lead you to believe that this would be the next step I would take with you. I'm truly sorry."  
She feels so unworthy, so undeserving. She should be better than this.  
She waits for him to yell, to be angry at her anything like that.  
Yet his voice is soft and gentle.  
"I had hoped. Hoped that you would love me the same way I love you. Hoped that you weren't just showing it as much, which would be fine, you know like Jane Bennett. But sadly enough I'm wrong. You're a brilliant woman and I adore who you are. It hurts, that is okay. I. I'll go now."  
"Chris."  
"Let's leave it this way. Maybe someday we can talk."  
"Maybe."  
He grabs his bag and keys and leaves.

* * *

Time wise let me check the general timeline I have in mind... Rey is 24...  
We'll meet Sally and little Philip at another point again.  
Also, yeah I went with the Breha thing cause I think it works well here...

Thanks for reading!


End file.
